Resurrection

It's late on Sunday evening, well, wee hours of Monday morning really and I've stumbled upon the blog I started several years ago. With all good intentions of maintaining it, like many other things I've touched upon, this one had been neglected for over two years now. My original intent was to keep this up like I used to keep a journal when I was young, and to help remember all of the great things I've had an opportunity to enjoy.

For a while, my blog entries were full of trip reports when I took up hiking as a regular activity. Since then, I've managed to capture those hiking trips with photos and rely on the memories of others who shared them with me when reminiscing. I have now made trips to Colorado to visit J and summit 14ers an annual ritual for the past 3 years now. I now have 4 14ers on my belt and hoping for a couple more this summer. D and I also enjoyed a most memorable backpacking trip to the Wallowas last summer. We had planned a week-long 60 mile backpacking trip that ended up shortened to 3days/2nights once we realized how overpacked we were. Lucky for us, we stepped back into town just as a major rainstorm hit the mountains and continued non-stop rain and lightning for the next 4 days. One of the most memorable parts of that trip was catching my first two brook trout in Douglas Lake - one for each of us to enjoy :-)

I've also learned to crochet and knit over the last year and a half. It has become one of the best ways for me to ignore the rest of the world while my mind goes blank. k1, p1, k1, p1, sc, dc,.. I never thought in my life that I would enjoy these two crafts so much., but now I happily and proudly create wearables for my friends and family to enjoy. It gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

Of the new things I've tried and learned to enjoy over the last few years, none comes close to what I've learned about myself as a person. I've changed a bit over the years. I'm less tolerant of the little things that didn't use to bother me. I feel forgetful at times. My mind tends to wander and sometimes lack focus. It's strange growing older. I've also learned that I could have hidden feelings about some things that I didn't realize. When D's father passed away earlier this year, I felt emotionally detached from it all at first. I felt guilty that I wasn't as sad as I thought I should. It wasn't that I didn't care, I just didn't know how to feel or what to feel, at first... It was strange how that first week went by, then all of a sudden a waterfall of emotions hit and the tears came without warning. I realize now that I was in shock for those first few days. Then I was okay again. Then a few weeks ago, we were sitting in the living room at the house, and I realized how quiet and empty it felt without his dad there. It made my eyes well up with tears thinking about whom we had lost. I suppose this is pretty normal, but the first time is never like any time after that.